im losing grip...

kinnie♥ myself & i whaddup? tagboard affiliates thanks

welcome

just don't diss people like cowards.
anyway, WELCOME =D

sakina♥

turning 1 year older this October. part time barista, most of the time student. college central MacPherson.
myfallingtragedy@hotmail.com
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Saturday, July 29, 2006

10:57 AM

Had your first real kiss = 14 or 15 i think
Fell in love = A hopeless romantic will never remember that.
Lost someone close to you = Lost? U mean die? Dunnoe.
Tried alcohol = 15. Just a sip.
Got your heart broken = 14
smoked a cigarette = 15
Broken a bone = no hap. no hap.
Got cheated on = 14.
Rode the bus = When I was a baby~ Duhs~
Went to a concert = When I was 5.
Dyed your hair = 13.
Got a car = Not yet uhhh
Got your own cell phone = 10
Got a myspace = last month. 16 larrr.
Got your own digital camera = 16 .. now laaa.
First time u got drunk?= no hap. no hap.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

9:24 PM

My hp bill shot up to 110. Good thing I had savings. But now left only 82 bucks. I wanna rebond my hair again. What about prom nite 06? Perhaps I'm going but what if Fida's not going? Then I won't go. Becuase if I go, I'll be all alone. So I'll think about this later. And I have to pay 60 bucks, which I don't have right now. I'm really saving to rebond my fucking hair. And eventually IF I go, I'll just wear last years's promdress with a twist of 70s. Next to the prom hotel is Zouk! I've been wanting to got there again. Before i was so small and cramped. But it's renewed! haix. I'm sad.

If only I am rich. Haha, but most of all, if only I have happiness.

Monday, July 24, 2006

8:11 PM

I really don't know what to write. Anyways, I'll just keep on typing because eventually some topic will flash in my mind. Hehehehehehehhhh. Okay go.

♥SUNDAY.

I went out with someone who knew me oh-so-well. I had so much fun with the person yesterday. We went to far east to eat. Then window shopping. And then to marina centre to eat dessert at Swensens. We went to the arcade like kids. Then we sat at the riverside... It was oh-so-lovely.. =DDDD.. I really miss the times I had like this. Even though I hated him so much, he is still my lost teddybear. Aahahahaha =DDD. Feelings of loneliness were gone just like that, and for that, I forgot I had to be home by 7. By the time I reached home at 10, I got an earful from my dad. I TOLD YA IM A STUBBORN DONKEY. *jumps around*

TODAY.

I came late, even though I had to report to the principal by 7.15. I reached school at 9. I saw a teacher, I put up a BIGG SMILE with almost no breath and ran up to class. And there was, my english teacher, Mdm LBB. "Did you run away from my remedial class on Friday?" I said NOOOO. HEHEHEHEHE.

LAST FRIDAY.

Actually I didn't want to turn up for Mdm LBB's remedial lesson. Fida went to my house. Her lesson was about to start at 2. At around 2.30pm, Fida received a message from my classmate saying that she has to be in school by 3.30pm or else punishment will be served. I was sooo tired and I already changed to my normal home clothes. So Fida went to school. 5 minutes later, 2 of my classmates messaged me the same thing. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, I wonder...

I quickly put on my pe shirt, shorts, took my slinged-pouch. I rushed out of the house. And with my messy hair, I look like a lion. People kept staring.

AHAHAHAHAHA =D.

MDM LBB SAY, SAKINA, NEXT TIME DON'T RUN AWAY FROM MY LESSON HORR. IT DOES NOT BENEFIT YOU IN ANY WAY. OKAY?

I SAID, EHHHHHHHHH... OKAY CHEERS

=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

7:49 PM

I'm bored. So, I finally decided to post an entry to this oldd blog of mine. Ever feel like you're this small little person trying to scream for air in a massive crowd? Hahs. Anyway, I really have to watch myself when I'm stuck at home. Sometimes, I feel that there's something wrong with me. I have frequent headaches, I don't eat regular meals, my face is getting duller and I can't concentrate in school. Oh yeah, starting from tomorrow, I'll have to report to the stupid principal at 7.15am. And I just can't wake up early! If only I could get my job back. The funny thing is, when I was working, I could wake up early for school. But now without a job, I can't. I wonder why. Told ya there's something wrong with me. =D

I'm so so alone. Haha. Sometimes, when there's just no one to talk to, you tend to go to the last resort. Like for example, a past love. Well, my advice is that you NEVER EVER go to them without thinking twice. If you're comfortable, that is, of course you can.

I may be alone and useless with no one to really talk to, but I'm still struggling to live my life rather than thinking about suicide.

I promised myself that I will never talk to anyone about what I feel. I'll just state anything to describe how I feel, even though words are just not enough. Good people are really rare nowadays. Some people just say that they are by your side,you can never know whether the person is really sincere about it. So, don't blame me for not being supportive, I've tried and you just took everything I said like worthless counts of passing air.

To those who really have best friends, loved ones and you're always being remembered of, please treasure them. You really have them, it's just that you have so many other ones, you just can't tell which are diamonds and which are stones...

My parents? They are always working and sometimes arguing. My friends? I don't know where they are and we are just getting further apart. The ones I could really approach are the four walls of my house, my computer, my psp and a diamond called Fida.

I feel like I'm flying a kite which represents my life in the rain.

I just hope some miracle can happen...

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

7:40 PM

I'm back! It's been so long~ and I have even bad news.

I am now using my computer in SAFE MODE. I repeat SAFE MODE. To all computer freaks, you should know what SAFE MODE is. =D ALL THE WORDS ARE BIIIGGG.
I'm under curfew for 6 bloody months.
I have to be back home at 7pm sharp.
IF I WANNA HAVE A JOB, I CAN ONLY GO ON 9-5 JOBS TILL FEBRUARY.
O levels are drawing nearer.
I FEEL FUCKED UP EVERYDAY.
I CAN'T GO OUT WITH MY FRIENDS UNTIL LATE AT NIGHT.
I HAVE TO BE USED TO ROT AT HOME.
I WANNA GO OUT BUT ONLY UNTIL 7PM AND THAT SUCKS.
I HAVE NO MONEY. BUT NASEB BAEK MY PARENTS GIVE ME DAILY ALLOWANCE BUT MACAM KESIAN PULAK.
I BROUGHT THIS UPON MYSELF.
AKU TAKLE RAYE SAMPAI LARUT MALAM.
IF I'M LATE AND DIDN'T MEET THE CURFEW TIME I'LL BE GIVEN A WARNING.
TAPI TKPE, AKU TAHAN SAMPAI NEW YEAR'S DAY. PASAL AKU NAK TON.

I'm so stubborn like a donkey.